Sexy Link: One-night Swinger's take

An excerpt from the column I just read: "So swingers’ clubs as dens of iniquity? Not exactly. As chambers of purity and innocence? Not exactly that, either. As bastions of open-minded play and woman-centered sexuality? Okay, with reservations, I’ll go with that. The women certainly seem to rule the roost and many have found a place to be, ahem, revered, to use Charles’ word."

I found it interesting to read this columnist's take on the lifestyle after a little research and then experiencing just one night at a club. No, this article isn't going to rock your world, but it's sort of comforting to know there are some vanilla-ians - LOL - that don't snub their noses at us, point, and call us freaks. ;)

Fondly yours,
Jill

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Real Life Sex Story: Oh what a night!

It was a miracle, but we managed to arrive at our favorite club promptly at 7:45 p.m. for the evening’s hosting duties, as other couples were already arriving for the 8:00 p.m. open. (I’m sometimes amazed at what people will wear to a swing club, and not in a good way. Sloppy jeans and a T-shirt is NOT the way to get me into the bedroom.) We checked in with the front desk, got drinks at the bar and food from the buffet, and settled in, waiting for the first new members to show.

Typically, by luck of the draw, we’re paired with couples that are either new to the lifestyle, new to swing clubbing, or new to both. Because of this, our tours are usually pretty long, as we’re explaining not just the club rules, but making sure that new members are familiar with standard lifestyle expectations, and it lends itself to a lot of questions from our guests. This night would be completely different and a little disappointing in this regard. Not only was our first couple familiar with the lifestyle and clubbing environment, but one half worked at a club and was already familiar with our club. This was our shortest tour ever … until the one immediately following – they used to own a club! Soon it was 11 p.m. – the pseudo deadline for coming into the club on any night – and three couples that had signed up were no-shows, so we were cut loose.

We went upstairs to freshen our drinks and remembered how it’s a little difficult to walk into a room full of people that have been partying for three hours and get into the same groove. It happens a little faster for Jack than it does for me, so he was ready for the dance floor immediately. I, on the other hand, wanted to chat with friends and sip my drink for a few minutes. We found Lady Friend and the Mr. almost immediately, and it was obvious that they had their groove on. Jack and Lady Friend went out to the dance floor without me, and I hung back with the Mr. and other friends of ours.

Being that it was naughty school girl night, I was wearing a plaid skirt, knee high stockings, black patent fuck-me pumps, and a white button-down shirt opened to reveal a sexy black shelf bra beneath (like this one) that really didn’t cover much of anything. Lady Friend had changed from the vanilla outfit she had worn into the club (as many of the ladies do) and was wearing this sexy little number made of plaid and fishnet (Wayward Academy Schoolgirl) – sweet and sexy! Several of our friends – ladies and gents alike – nudged me to open my shirt more and gazed at, tickled, or kissed my nipples. This and seeing all of the sexy ladies dressed in similar attire helped me get my groove on!

At our last outing, Lady Friend was disappointed that the hot tub wasn’t open. Since it was tonight and they had been waiting – impatiently, LOL -- for us to be done with hosting duties, it wasn’t long before Jack let me know that everyone was eager to get to the back room for fun and nakedness in the hot tub.

I’ve found that undressing as a preamble to getting in the hot tub is never as ceremonious as it is when going into a private room (though often ceremony is thrown out in a back room as well, when all are eager to play). Such was the case tonight. Undress, clothes in a locker, and off we plunged.

My feet were a little sore, as happens sometimes from walking through the club numerous times in heels (this time new ones), and the Mr. graciously took to massaging one. Jack took the other, and it didn’t take long for me to feel like dancing again! We didn’t want Lady Friend left out, so the guys gave hers some attention, as well. While my entire body is sensitive and touch anywhere can spark a sexual encounter, it was really very sensuous, having this physical attention focused somewhere that didn’t automatically lead to sex.

We floated around in the water, chatted casually, touched lightly, and enjoyed our passing encounters with each other. Lady Friend’s and my nipples were sucked and licked by all in turn, with she and I thoroughly enjoying each other’s and remembering just how sexy we had previously found each other! I was feeling spoiled, again, when Jack gently teethed one nipple and Lady Friend sucked the other. As this went on, different gentlemen guests of the club came into the room, took seats, and watched the encounters. The guys visiting this night were all gentlemen and non-intrusive. (Single guys, take note: Your watching us, in and of itself, can be exciting for Jack and I. If it’s done casually and without intrusion, we’re happy to give you a show you’ll enjoy.)

However, Lady Friend wasn’t much into the audience and noted that it was okay only if she pretended they weren’t there. It’s most important to Jack and I that everyone be comfortable with any situation in which we all find ourselves. While we were fine with the visitors, we didn’t want Lady Friend to feel any discomfort. Also, as this was really just a short bit after we had left the floor from “working,” I found that our friends, and even Jack, were closer to play time mentally than I was. Jack took note of my hesitation (as everyone should, we have key phrases and body language signals and such to communicate anything going awry or a lack of comfort) and Lady Friend’s discomfort, and I believe it was he who suggested going to a back room for some much-needed privacy. Not wanting to find ourselves in the same situation as last time when we had to get dressed and part ways due to last call, the Mr. asked if we should get a room at the club or perhaps go back to the room we had previously arranged for an overnight stay, instead, as planned. I voted for our overnight room, where we knew there’d be neither last call nor an audience, and the others agreed.

If getting UNdressed at the hot tub is unceremonious, getting dressed is even less so. We simply put our clothes on and made our way back to the front of the club. The DJ had just started Mary J. Blige’s “Family Affair,” one of Jack’s favorite songs, and we headed to the dance floor instead of the door. We danced to one more song, and tried to pack up again, instead stopping to talk with friends and say goodnight to our bartenders and others. We finally headed out the door maybe 30 minutes later, but I wouldn’t say it was wasted time. Our extra time on the dance floor moved my mood a little closer to playing, as I love to watch Jack dance and tease him on the floor knowing that others are watching.

At last, we had arrived at our destination and the promised land! The Mr. poured drinks as the rest of us got settled.

As I indicated previously, Lady Friend was definitely grooving, and she wasted no time joining Jack and I on the loveseat. The Mr. turned down the lights, as his lovely wife indicated she preferred this, and it didn’t take long then for Lady Friend to shed her top. Again, I was reminded of how beautiful her breasts are. The areolas are lightly colored and the nipples are perfectly sized and shaped similar to a pencil eraser. (As I write this, I realize that, while our breasts are certainly different, I might use the same description of the areolas and nipples for mine – perhaps why I like hers so much?) The breast themselves are just enough to fill my hand while my tongue plays with her nipples; something I’ve found she enjoys very much, as do I.

My top ended up on the floor somehow, as well, and my bra closely followed. As I attempted to reposition, I noticed that the Mr., though obviously enjoying the view, was alone on the chair while we three were on the loveseat. I took it upon myself to stand Lady Friend up, rid her of her skirt, and sit her down on the Mr.’s lap. What a perfect view from here – she leaned back and into the Mr. and was elevated a bit more than had she been sitting on the chair, and, with both of their legs parted, I could sit on the floor in front of them. Lady Friend’s lady parts seemed eager to meet my mouth, but I wanted to take my time, as I had been looking forward to this. I moved to a kneeling position where I could kiss and lick her body and take in her scent. I couldn’t, however, resist for long, and soon found my tongue on her thigh, and she let out a small groan.

I kissed the area where her inner leg meets her body and licked gently. I spread her lips with one hand and let my warm breath escape onto her clit. This, too, was greeted with the sound of pleasure, and I could take it no more – I began licking her clit earnestly. Her groans grew in intensity. The Mr. was playing with her breasts. Jack watched for a few moments, knowing how much I was enjoying this, then took my skirt from me and positioned himself between my legs on the floor. As Jack licked me, I moaned, and each of my groans sent a new sensation through Lady Friend. As she began grinding her hips excitedly, I put the middle finger of my free hand inside of her and was greeted with more sounds of her pleasure. I began matching the rhythm of her rocking hips with my finger and continued licking and gently sucking her clit. She was very wet and tasted oh so sweet!

There is a distinct difference in having your pussy licked by a man versus a woman. Woman are softer and most tend to be gentler. I’m not saying that one is better than the other; I’m saying that they are different, and I find that both are equally pleasing in their own right. On this night, Lady Friend learned of the difference – I was the first female with whom she had ever played – and I was more than happy to be her “teacher.” Judging from her reaction, I believe that she was equally pleased to have me in this position, literally!

Mr. and Jack got up to remove their clothes, and Lady Friend and I found this to be the perfect opportunity to move to the bed. We made ourselves comfortable and didn’t wait for the guys. They would figure out where we were, and we knew they would follow. ;)

I chose this time to start from the top again, enjoying her breasts and kissing downward until I was at her sweet pussy. I was looking forward to providing pleasure from a different angle. I didn’t waste any time inserting my finger this time and began applying delicate pressure with my tongue to her clit. I licked around her clit and tasted the juices that were flowing freely now. I was thoroughly enjoying myself just as we were, when she – who had previously stated that she didn’t think she was ready to enjoy a woman in the same fashion that I knew I did – parted my legs and began licking me! Playing with her had already made me quite wet, but this sent a surge through me, because it was both unexpected and quite pleasurable. In spite of her having never done this before, she was quite versed in how to please a woman.

The guys joined us in short time and began to traverse our bodies with their hands and tongues. We were both groaning with pleasure, and Jack noted how awesome it was to hear our moans and watch us please each other.

Jack is not just a visual man, but also an auditory man when it comes to sexual encounters. His comment was my cue that the sights and sounds were making him hard. I reached toward him, in search of his cock, and he didn’t disappoint (he never does)! I continued to lick Lady Friend and started playing with Jack’s balls and cock. There was nowhere else on the planet that I’d have rather been at that moment: His incredible cock in my hand, her sweet pussy in my mouth, and her remarkable tongue on my pussy! Oh what a night this was turning into!

I wasn’t in a position to see what the Mr. was doing, but it sounded as though he were participating with Lady Friend, as well as enjoying the view. Whatever he was doing, it seemed to enhance Lady Friend’s enjoyment, and I was all for almost anything that would help me achieve just one goal: Get Lady Friend to orgasm. As my once free hand was now taking in my man’s cock, I guided one of his free hands to put a single finger in Lady Friend, which he did gladly. With him finger fucking her and my tongue and fingers playing with her clit in her own juices, her moans became louder and more prevalent. She squeezed her legs together, slightly at first and then with more pressure. It was with what seemed to be a final sound of pleasure and a satisfied smile that she pulled away and moved to greet her husband’s cock with fervor.

All the time I was playing, I was eager to wrap my lips around Jack’s cock, and so I did the same with my man. I was, for the nth time this evening, greeted with the moans of another’s pleasure. And, while I’m all for being the spoiled one and no one who’s been with me would doubt my love of having my own orgasm, there’s nothing I enjoy more than hear Jack cum … I sucked and licked and enjoyed his hard cock for the better part of half an hour or so and listened to Lady Friend and the Mr. take pleasure in each other. They had switched positions a few times and now she was riding him. It seemed as though they were in their own world, when her moans became louder, she threw her head back, the Mr. let out a groan of his own, and they slowed until they were resting.

Meanwhile, Jack was getting harder and closer to his own orgasm. Among other things, he loves it when I play with his nipples, so I obliged as best I could from my vantage point between his legs. I alternated between sucking the head, licking up and down the underside of the shaft, and taking his balls in my mouth and teasing them gently with my tongue. It wasn’t long before I felt the surge that would be his last of the evening and he began to verbalize his pleasure with deep groans and intense spasms as he came in my mouth, and I swallowed his salty fluid.

With all of their releases, I recognized that I was exhausted, inferring from the events of the evening that each had enjoyed our gathering. Having been a part of at least two of those orgasms, I felt satisfied, as well. With this last thought, I curled up in Jack’s arms, and we slept right where we were, with Lady friend and the Mr. next to us.

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Swinger Information: More rules of the road

Jack and I had no clue what to expect when we decided to try out our first swingers club. We had actually considered a nudist sort of experience -- even had reservations at a local nudist camp -- and, after a bit of researched, realized that environment was more about, well, nudity, than it was sexuality. And we were definitely looking for sexuality! So we canceled those reservations, did a little more research, and found out about swinging. It sounded interesting, to say the least. :)

In hindsight, the only thing I would change is that I wish we had done even more research. Not so much about the rules of the clubs and event, but about developing our own guidelines. So this entry is meant to give you some advice on the topic.

Before you head out to your first swingers' event, there is a lot you should discuss with your partner. You should set boundaries together before you head out the door, otherwise, even a strong relationship may be headed for disaster.

• Remember that you are a couple and talk about this before your debut into the swinging world. No matter what you encounter, you're experiencing the lifestyle as a twosome, not a single entity.
• Discuss each other's emotional needs, as well as your physical needs, so that both of you have a full understanding of what to expect from the other.
• Develop a plan to deal with uncomfortable situations. Most couples have some sort of secret code that expresses discomfort and acts as a cue that one wants to disengage from a situation. However you decided to handle such situations, take your partner's cues seriously.
• Take it slow and don't push your partner to go any faster than he or she is willing. The same goes for people you meet along the way. Pushy people are a big turn-off within the lifestyle.
• Set limits, knowing that they can always be expanded later. It's better to start with too many rules and loosen them later, than it is to jump in with both feet and end up in divorce court!
• Communicate before, during, and after each event you attend. Jack and I like to plan our nights out, to some degree, whether it's making plans to meet up with certain couples or simply to meet someone new. During the evening, we make sure we take time out for each other, and afterward, we discuss what we did or didn't like and what we might like to do differently next time.
• Don't expect to play on your first outing because, honestly, your first experiences are likely to be such eye-openers that you may just sit there with a dropped jaw. If nothing else, you can look forward to some seriously head-banging sex when you get home that first night!
• Remember the "no" means NO rule applies to you and your partner, as well as to other singles and couples. It's just as important that you accept "no" from your partner as it is to accept it from someone you just met. Sometimes we tend to push our partners a little more than we would a stranger, thinking that we know their limits. But especially if the two of you are new to the lifestyle, you must be considerate of your significant other's feelings.
• Don't forget to have fun! You are, after all, experiencing something new and exciting, and it should be fun for both of you.

Honestly, your first night out, you may have just one idea in mind: Let's just look and see what it's all about. Then, as you go out more and gain experience, you can add to your needs and desires. Just remember that communication is king (and queen)!

Softly yours,

Jill

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Swinger Information: Couples that stray ...

Many researchers will tell you that homo sapiens aren't meant to be monogamous creatures. In fact, one study shows that as many as 60 percent of those marrying today will end up in divorce. The number one reason is money, followed by infidelity. Joining in the lifestyle won't solve money problems, but it certainly would help with some of the infidelity problem.

Now we're not saying that the lifestyle prevents all infidelity nor that it will cure the divorce rate, as both entering the lifestyle and infidelity are exclusive and complex matters, but infidelity is certainly less likely to occur if your sex life is good and you and your partner have the opportunity to enjoy some level of sexual activity with others.

Personally, I'm not interested in seeing my partner have intercourse with another woman, so that level of contact isn't on my agenda, thought I guess anything is possible some day! LOL! But there are many couples that are into that, and they say that it makes their relationships stronger. Let me emphasize: It makes a strong relationship stronger. If your relationship is failing or weak, now is definitely NOT the time to consider entering the lifestyle!

If, however, your relationship is strong, your sex life is good, you have great communication with your partner, and you want to add a some serious spice, then you should consider it -- together.

Before you get started, there are some basic rules that are ingrained in all participants of the lifestyle:

1. "No" means NO! This is rule number one, and there are no ifs, ands, or buts, to this statement for all people, events, clubs, parties, etc., within the lifestyle. If you decline an offer to play, the person asking will back off. If you make an advance toward someone, and they say no, you are to back off. Neither will you be attracted to everyone you meet nor will everyone you meet be attracted to you.
2. Anonynimity is sacred. Just as most people want what happens behind closed doors at home to be between those participating, people in the lifestyle expect the same discretion. Respect people's privacy, and they will respect yours.
3. Never bring a camera. Unless you are invited to do so and all participants agree, never bring a camera to a lifestyle event, and don't ever use your cell phone's camera to take photos of people.

You'll also want to think about some self-imposed rules before you head out to your first lifestyle event, and those will be the topic of our next post. Please check back, or -- better yet, subscribe -- so you don't miss out on a single post!

Softly yours,

Jill

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Swinger Information: Interested in the lifestyle?

Well, let's start out by saying that the majority of swingers are average people that you would never suspect participate in lifestyle events. We are lawyers, office clerks, construction managers, bankers, hair dressers, and just about any other professional you can imagine. We also happen to like sex and are comfortable pushing the envelope on what society considers to be "normal" in this arena.

Second, some definitions may be of help:

• BI or Bisexual - Someone that enjoys sex with both men and women.
• Bi-Curious - Someone that is curious, interested in or has had limited Bisexual experience.
• Exhibitionism - Showing off in public, involving nudity.
• Full Swap - A couple that enjoys sexual pleasure with others that includes anything up to AND including intercourse.
• Play or playing - Having sexual contact with your significant other and/or another person or people.
• Soft Swing/Swingers - A couple that enjoys sexual pleasure with others that includes anything up to but not including intercourse.
• Unicorn - Slang for a single, generally bi-sexual, female that participates in the lifestyle. Referred to as a "unicorn" because they are so rare.
• Voyeur or Voyeurism - One who enjoys watching.

There are many other definitions, but we're starting out with the basics here. I believe there is a misconception that "swingers" are people who swap partners, period. And perhaps the original definition was finite in this meaning. The fact is, however, that many people who participate in lifestyle events participate without swapping partners.

My partner and I are such a couple. I am a bi female and he is a straight male. I enjoy sexual contact with both women and men (or, to be more specific, my man). I think that women are incredibly sexy creatures. I like watching them, touching them, and playing with them -- and I especially enjoy performing cunnilingus! I and my partner don't think this makes me a deviate ... it's just something else that I enjoy in the sexual realm. He, on the other hand, is quite straight and has no desire to share physical contact with another male. I can assure you, however, that he enjoys watching my interaction with other females!!

As this is our first blog entry, there are so many more things to write about! Adventures in and out of the bedroom; rules of the road, so to speak; clubs to review; and lots more. Please check back, or -- better yet, subscribe -- so you don't miss out on a single post!

Softly yours,

Jill

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